Parental Disagreement
Tuesday May 15, 2007
In my many years being involved in the advocacy and support of gifted children and their parents, I've noticed something interesting -- a majority of the people involved are women. When my local parent support group meets, it is mostly the moms who show up. At first I thought that maybe the dads were the ones who stayed home to watch the kids and waited to hear the moms' reports of the meeting.
But then some of the moms said that their husbands didn't "believe in" this "gifted stuff." Over the years, I've heard this from quite a few moms. I can't remember ever meeting a dad who said the same of his wife. Of course, in many instances both parents understand and believe in the concept of giftedness, but if one of them doesn't believe in it, it is without exception the dad. That is, either both parents believe in it or only the mom does.
This lack of agreement causes numerous problems. For one thing, it's harder to parent a gifted child when one parent doesn't accept the concept of giftedness. For example, mom may understand that little Bobbie is exceptionally sensitive as are many gifted children. Dad, on the other hand, may think Bobbie just needs some toughening up and pushes Bobbie to participate in contact sports like football. It's also difficult for one parent to try to advocate for appropriate educational services when the other parent doesn't believe the child needs any. Mom may recognize that Bobbie needs more challenging material to overcome his underachievement, while dad just thinks Bobbie is lazy and needs to work harder.
Perhaps the worst effect of this kind of disagreement is that it makes parenting a gifted child even more lonely than it already is. Not only is mom unable to discuss parenting issues with other parents, she's not able to get support at home either.
I don't know of any studies dealing with this issue, so I'm looking for two kinds of feedback: (1) Take the poll and (2) Share your experiences by clicking on the "Comments" link below.
Poll: How do you and your spouse feel about giftedness?
More polls from your guide
But then some of the moms said that their husbands didn't "believe in" this "gifted stuff." Over the years, I've heard this from quite a few moms. I can't remember ever meeting a dad who said the same of his wife. Of course, in many instances both parents understand and believe in the concept of giftedness, but if one of them doesn't believe in it, it is without exception the dad. That is, either both parents believe in it or only the mom does.
This lack of agreement causes numerous problems. For one thing, it's harder to parent a gifted child when one parent doesn't accept the concept of giftedness. For example, mom may understand that little Bobbie is exceptionally sensitive as are many gifted children. Dad, on the other hand, may think Bobbie just needs some toughening up and pushes Bobbie to participate in contact sports like football. It's also difficult for one parent to try to advocate for appropriate educational services when the other parent doesn't believe the child needs any. Mom may recognize that Bobbie needs more challenging material to overcome his underachievement, while dad just thinks Bobbie is lazy and needs to work harder.
Perhaps the worst effect of this kind of disagreement is that it makes parenting a gifted child even more lonely than it already is. Not only is mom unable to discuss parenting issues with other parents, she's not able to get support at home either.
I don't know of any studies dealing with this issue, so I'm looking for two kinds of feedback: (1) Take the poll and (2) Share your experiences by clicking on the "Comments" link below.
Poll: How do you and your spouse feel about giftedness?
- My husband does not support the concept of giftedness, but I do
- My wife does not support the concept of giftedness, but I do
- Both my spouse and I support the concept of giftedness
- Both my spouse and I are new to this gifted thing and aren't sure about it
More polls from your guide
Comments
We do not have conflict over the issue that our son is gifted. We had him evaluated. The numbers do not lie. We however have a tremendous amount of heartache over his extreme lack of organization and motivation. I am not sure that there are any schools that really know how to educate gifted students. We definately have a child that is highly motivated when exposed to fresh, knowledge enhancing curriculum. He is just very bored and bogged down on the repetitive, busy work of the reality of the school curriculum. He has qualified the enter a middle school program this fall that is specifically designed for highly motivated gift students. Are fingers are crossed. Maybe this will be the answer!